Today has been surprisingly productive even though the little munchkin was a little high maintenance today. She likes to be held and when she's not she'll whine where she sits, which eventually builds up into crying. So either I hold her and get very little done, or I let her sit in her bouncer or swing and put up with her constant whining. I can't indulge her every minute of the day and she's gotta learn that. So I put up with the whining mostly. Today it really started bugging me though. It will be better when she can be more entertained by toys...or will it because she'll be teething? LOL I can't win either way. There will always be something, I just have to learn how to work around whatever it is. The whining could be a phase. She could be thinking, Hey, I can make this sound. In general she's a great baby. Every day is different and she could just be having one of those days.

I wanted to get her out for a walk, but I kept getting distracted and then she'd have to eat, and when she nurses she comfort nurses for nearly an hour sometimes. I almost always have to cut her off because she could just lay there for what feels like forever. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to know that my baby needs me and takes comfort in what I can provide for her, but I really need to watch her cues if I need to do something when she's done eating. At least we have no problems with the breast feeding. Other than her needing a nipple shield, the nursing has been fantastic. I'm loving it and actually get a little sad when I think she'll start solids soon. I'm thinking I might go later than 6 months. I had always said that at 6 months I'll start her on cereal and go from there, but now I'm thinking baby led weaning might be my cup of tea. The only thing that worries me about that is that what if she weans late? Maybe I'll wait until she's 9 months to start her on solids. That seems like a happy medium. I don't mind if the weaning goes past 12 months (my breast feeding goal), but I want her totally weaned before she's 2 years old.

Anyway...N's mom, M, came over to visit for a few days for our birthdays. Mine is on the 24th, her's the 28th, and N's the 29th. So we're all crammed together. Whenever she comes over she does a lot of housework for us, mostly outside too, which is awesome because I don't want to touch the outside because it's cold and wet and I'm a city wuss who wants to stay dry and warm. Besides it's hard to find time with the bugaboo needing constant attention. I'd have to do it when she's napping and N is upstairs working so he can attend to her if she wakes up and I don't notice. Anyway our place is looking pretty good right now. It's much tidier with more stuff put away. This house is starting to feel more like home.

We're going to the city this weekend. I'm very excited! We're staying with my dad for a couple of nights and plan on surprising our friends by dropping by for a birthday gathering at a pub. Obviously, we're not telling anyone we're coming My dad and step mom have been dying to babysit, so we can leave the kidlet with them for the evening. I'll be bringing my pump with me so that I can pump at least once while we're out so that I don't get engorged and the missed feeding doesn't mess with my supply. I'll probably just dump it since I'll be drinking and don't really want to be carrying around full bottles in my purse. It might be a little weird to hog a bathroom stall for 15 minutes so I can pump, but whatever. A nursing mom's gotta do what she's gotta do. I won't be drinking too heavily anyway since I feel like an old fart and will want to be home before midnight and I want to be able to nurse H to sleep if I have to when we get back to my dad's, though I think that's probably more for my own benefit than H's. But, having said that, I wouldn't be surprised if my lack of presence makes her feel uneasy. I can picture it now, I get back and she's fussy; extremely tired but fighting it.

Anyway, it will be fun to see Vancouver again. We'll have the entire day Saturday and I'd really like to go see Cloud Atlas as well, but that would be leaving H with her grandparents twice in one day and I don't think I can do that. I can't imagine spending that much time away from my baby in one day, missing at least two feeds. I don't see why we can't just go see it with her, but last time I said to N that we should just take her with us he thought I was totally crazy. If she starts crying I'll simply step out, but she's a good baby and I could distract her with nursing. For all we know she might love looking at the big screen with all the huge images moving around on it.

Ok, I have been dying to get on here and write something, but I just keep getting distracted or H won't let me put her down. I guess I'll just need to blog with the Beco carrier on if she insists on being held. 

Things are getting a little better. There are certain things I enjoy about this place: fresh, fragrant air, foggy mountains, surrounding greenery, my woodstove, the natural light this house gets, the fact that it's walkable distance to town. If I get thinking really hard about the city I start to miss it. If I drift into moments of quiet boredom I get a little sad, but I used to do that in the city too. There's plenty to keep me busy here at home. There's always housework to be done, I have books I can read, and there are shows on Netflix I could get into. I even have the P90X DVDs and while I'm not ready to commit to the workout, I could always do the stretching or yoga routines when H goes down for a nap. I thought the rain would bother me, but it turns out I love it when it rains because I can hear it on the roof. I got rain boots and a parka so I have no reason to let the rain keep me inside, which it would have done in the city anyway. 

That's just what it comes down to here. Whether I'm in the city or here in the island, either way I'm going to be spending rainy dreary days at home, rocking and nursing my baby while watching TV. Sure I might have gotten out to a Starbucks, but I there are coffee shops in town here that I can walk to. With the baby it's not like we can just go out to the movies whenever we want anyway.

And the epiphany hits...I don't think it's necessarily island life that I'm adjusting to. It's my new life as a mother that I'm adjusting to. All the things I think I'd be able to do in the city I probably wouldn't do anyway because I have a baby. Oh sure, there are things that I would be doing regardless of having a baby like walking up to my workplace and visiting my coworkers, maybe going to the mall just to walk around. But all I'm going to do is walk around a mall, why can't I just walk around outside and get some fresh air?