20 weeks! What what? *fist pump*

Mexico has come and gone and I'm 2 days shy of my half way mark. Where oh where did the time go? On Monday I have my anatomy scan and we'll find out if we're having a boy or a girl. I am just as excited about this as I was about leaving for Mexico. I have a midwife appointment later this morning. I get excited about those too But on the other hand I worry a little about what kind of test they will be sending me for. Will they send me for the glucose test? I've never had any problems or been at risk for diabetes. I'm not a health nut, but I'm pretty healthy nonetheless. I have had no medical concerns other than a few colposcopies in which case I should likely get a postpartum pap test done.

This is irritating me a little, so I'm going to vent, but a Facebook "friend" deleted the comment I made on the photo she posted of her little girl coloring. I said soemthing like "Soo cute! As a non parent I've always liked that age. They're so cute walking and running around, exploring the world. As a new parent the meltdowns might change my mind, lol". Does ANYONE see how that can be offensive? Because I cannot. Is she being uptight about the joke about meltdowns? If so, she's got a real big stick up her ass. To me being humorous about the things children do is a good coping mechanism. Does it sound pervy somehow? Clearly I'm missing something. At the end of the day I'm merely stating the obvious: that her little girl is cute. Up until the age of two all kids are adorable to me. Then they turn two and the defiance starts and it gets interesting.

Anyway, I just wanted to vent about that. I know it's only Facebook and not a big deal, but if I'm not being allowed to post comments on someone's other posts, especially when I don't even know that someone (we're both in the same due date club online and THAT'S why we've friended each other), then why should I even stay FB friends with her? Without some kind of explanation, she's being rude.

Speaking of this due date club, it's been a helpful tool for any questions that I have as first timer. There are maybe 4 other first timers that I'm aware of and the rest already have kids. It's been great for the most part, but when a bunch of us decided to friend each other on FB I was a bit reluctant to do it. I don't care about sharing my info with them because I don't include a lot of it, but I feel a bit rough around the edges compared to them. I swear a lot and I wonder if I'm offending them. I know a lot of parents out there are chill, but I get the vibe that a few of these moms are more uptight, like their own FB pages have to be child appropriate when their children have NOTHING to do with their personal profiles. Their children appear in pictures and may have mentions here and there in their posts, but that's it. I just want to be myself on FB, while these women seem to put on this "mommy face" all the time. That is something about parents that I HATE. Save the mommy face for the kids, but don't expect me to talk to you like I'm talking to royalty just because your a mom and have to wear your mommy face all the time. Be an adult around adults, yeesh! Maybe their just a snobby bunch.

In other news I believe Nate and I have decided on using a cloth diapering service. I want to use cloth diapers because the idea of throwing away all that plastic makes me want to shudder. But then, the idea of scraping poop and washing my own baby's diapers made me shudder too. So...we're getting someone else to provide the diapers for us, come pick up the poopy ones, drop off clean ones AND wash the ones we've used. It's cost effective in so many ways. Besides the cost of diapers themselves, our laundry machines are coin operated and shared. So the amount of money we would spend on doing laundry is stupid. Plus some poor neighbor is going to come along after a diaper load and wash their laundry and I just feel so bad that, hey, I just washed a bunch of shitty diapers! Happy laundering! This diaper service has a laundering service that uses less detergent and less water and less energy than if I were to wash my own. It would cost us $25 a week for unlimited diapers, assuming we rent the covers as well. So...$100 a month. We could spend close to double that in disposables and contribute to a landfill in the process. NOT COOL. We could buy the covers, but with renting it's about a buck more and they will give us bigger sizes as baby grows rather than us having to buy new covers every time baby grows out of them. The only things we'd have to buy are the pail to put the used diapers in, the filter for odor and the travel bag. Anyway, since I plan on breast feeding, $100 a month seems pretty darn good. The only other expenses I can think of are the ones that come along as baby grows like new clothing, new pacifiers, new bottles, etc. Sure that stuff can add up, but cutting down the cost of diapers will help immensely.

Every Friday is milestone for me. It marks the beginning of a new week. A new gestational week that is.

Tomorrow is an extra special Friday though because it marks the beginning of my second trimester.

Let the baby belly begin!

The first trimester was...nerve wracking, to say the least. Every time I went to the bathroom I would check undies and TP for any sign of blood and an inevitable miscarriage. There was a rare occasion of spotting, but always gone the first time it's seen. Mothers always say their babies are miracles when they're born. Well what about when they've beaten the odds in utero and no bigger than the size of plum? Or any piece of fruit my ticker has used for that matter. I am so freaking excited to grow a baby belly. When I see a woman who's obviously around the end of her second trimester I sigh dreamily and think, That will be me very soon. 

Today was my second midwife appointment. I decidedly like going to these appointments. They went over my blood work results, both prenatal and hematology, and the ultrasound results. I had no idea what else they would take from a dating ultrasound, but apparently cervix is tightly closed, amniotic fluid was full and the placenta was developing properly. I was measuring 3 days ahead too, and of course noted that baby had a FHR of 154. The blood work results FINALLY confirmed my blood type to me. I always thought I was O+, but it's nice to know that IS in fact what I am. Oh! And they're setting me up with my anatomy scan for when I get back from Mexico.

They took my health history as well as my family's. I don't know if it makes me an easy patient or a boring one, but there was absolutely NOTHING to report when it came to my health history. As she went down the list I kept saying No and I thought, Wow, aren't I just soo interesting. After all that they had me lie down and they looked for my uterus. It's a lot higher than I expected: almost up to my belly button. Then she pulled out the doppler to check the heart beat and found it right away. I said, "What the heck! You found it right away, I'm searching at home and it's taking me forever!" I guess she just knows where to look? Anyway after that they had my pee on that little strip that tests for glucose and protein present in urine. That was normal too.

So yeah, great appointment. Sorry it's so detailed, but it's a whole new experience for me and it excites me. My next appointment will, obviously, be next month, but they've already pre-scheduled my entire pregnancy so I have to reschedule my Feb one because I'll still be in Mexico.

And oh yeah! I should mention that I'm leaving for my fourth annual Mexico trip on Feb 3rd for two weeks. Sooo excited and only a three week wait until we leave!! I'll be 17-19 weeks pregnant during the trip so I should hopefully have a cute little belly, but nothing too big to make it uncomfortable. And then I'll come home and have my anatomy scan. YAY! We're finding out the gender!

Wow! Feeling lots of fetal movement the last couple of days. I'm getting used to it and falling in love with it. It's like I have a little fish swimming in my stomach. I can't wait for baby to get bigger and the movements to get stronger and consistent. I can't help but think it's too early for me to feeling this, but I've been actively trying to identify it and differentiate it from gas. It feels totally different from gas and now that the sensation isn't just a one time thing I'm becoming more familiar with it.

I've been looking at pictures of the weeks ahead to determine when I might expect to "pop". I'm so anxious for a baby belly it's ridiculous. Based on the pics I was looking at, I'm going to guesstimate around 16 weeks I'll notice a difference and start getting a proper baby belly from then on. It still blows my mind that baby's got enough room in there.

Last night I had a dream that I found out my baby is going to be a boy. I've also had a hunch from the get go. Only the anatomy and gender scan will tell for sure, but I really think this baby is going to be a boy

I am getting increasingly more anxious for Mexico and it's not even booked yet. I had a moment of vivid memories while I was in the shower. I remembered everything like the smell, sounds, and feeling of my surrounding environment. When I'm there, Mexico has a vibe all its own and it's a happy, relaxed one. I CANNOT wait to go back. I think evening is my favorite time of the day there. The heat starts easing off, the crickets start, the sky gets that twilight appearance, you can see clouds of swallows fly overhead as they head back to their cave, and it's just so damn relaxing. I like going into town and watching the sunset from a bar or restaurant somewhere, but even just staying at the house is great too. I like the feeling of taking a shower to wash away a days worth of sweat and then moisturizing my sun kissed skin and putting on some actual clothing (since if I spend all day at the house I'm in my bathing suit). It's even better when there's something planned like a delicious dinner or people coming over, which is usually the reason we end up staying at the house, otherwise I go out for dinner. If that house ever sells I'm going to miss it...but then again the plan is to build our own right next door.

Nate's mum just got back from there, which is why I'm feeling so reminiscent. She said everyone's excited to see me and my belly, which makes me want to hold off until March when I'll be more than half way and my belly will be getting big. I'll be 21-25 weeks in March, which seems perfect to me.

I totally understand that the fruit size thing is merely a comparison in length and NOT total size, but it confuses me that there's a 2 to 2.5 inch (possibly 3 in) baby in my gut and it doesn't show on me at all. AND I don't expect to show like a pregnant woman for another few weeks. Where is all this space in my abdomen?

All of my fears were eradicated today. I had my ultrasound first thing in the morning. I was so nervous and uncomfortable in the waiting area. I had never had an ultrasound before and this was by far the coolest thing EVER. I cannot wait for the anatomy ultrasound 8 weeks from now when I get to see my baby in much better detail as they check everything out, plus I'll find out the gender. Unless you've experienced this before, there's no way to describe the relief and awe of first setting eyes on your baby and actually seeing it as it's supposed to look according to its gestational age. I had that fear in the back of my mind that they would find a dead little peanut, but NO! Heart beat was 154. I was so excited about the fact that everything is normal that I forgot to ask the tech if I could listen to the heartbeat, but that's okay because I plan on buying a fetal doppler anyway. Baby looked like it was sleeping while the tech was taking measurements and it's measuring right on time! After measurements were taken she called Nate in to see the baby on the screen and (what I think is) the funniest thing happened. Baby flipped over 180. Head was suddenly the other way and turned on its side a bit, which was perfect because we could see the little heart flickering away inside its chest. It was so fucking magical! <3

Anyway, here's a picture of our perfect baby, with a little fist up by its head.

Christmas was all right. I went to Sechelt and spent it with my mother and her partner, grandma and uncle. The food was good and it was nice to catch up with my grandma. I haven't seen her in a couple of years. I finally told her I was pregnant. She shook her finger at me because Nate and I aren't married, but unlike my mum's initial response I let this one go because she's 71 and going to be traditional that way. Plus, I'm shocked and a little appalled by the fact that announcing a pregnancy can and will bring negative responses. So...FUCK EM.

People are starting to notice my belly popping out. I didn't expect to happen so early. I thought maybe 13 or 14 weeks, no I've been obviously growing since week 9. I can tell it's starting to grow up because my shape is changing. While some of it indeed bloat, the visual is keeping me positive. I'm still nervous about the ultrasound on Friday, but my nervousness has reduced quite a bit. I'm bursting with excitement, but keeping it at bay with that thought in the back of mind that it's possible it's not perfect. I had lunch with Dad last week and I was curious about my mum's own miscarriages that were caused by a genetic disorder that were making her pregnancies nonviable. I remember he told me she would miscarry between 8-10 weeks, but the other day he clarified and said they were all missed miscarriages. This made me think three things: 1) No wonder they were so traumatic for her: she would carry on until 16 or so weeks and then find out the fetus had died 6-8 week ago. 2) I suddenly did not feel in the clear even though I was approaching my 11th week and feeling pregnant. 3) I am so fucking happy that I have that ultrasound on Friday because IF I happen to get bad news I wouldn't have dragged it on for another month. I don't understand how prenatal care providers cannot require an ultrasound until 20 weeks. Those women are supposed to just cross their fingers and hope or otherwise become suspicious at 16-18 weeks FIRST because they're neither growing nor feel fetal movement? That seems like utter bullshit to me. It's not fair to the woman and wastes her time when she could have helped her body along to get rid of the dead tissues and start the healing process and ultimately try again.

Anyway, I'm still feeling more positive because this belly is coming from somewhere and while my work pants don't fit me in the waist anymore neither my thighs nor love handles seem to be getting any bigger. The size increase seems limited to my belly and boobs, which is where it should be. Besides, even if I wasn't that big baby is still only 2 inches long at the very most, which is really small. It's always smaller that it seems in my head.

On another note I'm excited for 2012. It's going to be a big year for me. It will be my 5 year anniversary with Nate. It will also be my 5 year anniversary at work. Plus, we're starting a family. Oh! And my dad turns 50. I'm looking forward to it.