June 24, 2012

• getting exhausted

  Only 12 more days...and so will be my mantra with days decreasing until my delivery date on July 6th. I am uncomfortable. Actually, uncomfortable doesn't even describe it. Well, I suppose I could be in a lot of pain as well, and I count my lucky stars that all this discomfort isn't accompanied by pain. My baby's size is VERY apparent these days. I can feel pressure on my cervix from her little bum and I have a bowling ball of a head being shoved under my ribs. Quite often while walking her weight will shift forward and make everything very tight and heavy. Either that or I'm getting more Braxton Hick's contractions while walking. I think over the next 12 days I'll be taking it even more easy. Since I can feel pressure on my cervix now I'm a little worried that labor could indeed start before my scheduled date. Sure it would mean she would get here sooner, but I've been able to coordinate the family a little bit and an early delivery would throw a wrench in that. Oh, I'm taking all this planning way too seriously for something that goes by its own rules. Whatever happens, I won't be spending a lot of time out of the apartment except for short walks to get outside, tea dates with Anja, appointments, and small shopping trips simply because I'm just too damn uncomfortable. As it stands, I'm against an emergency cesarean because they will likely knock me out for it, which I'm really not comfortable with.

  Anyway, the stroller is ready to go and we just went to IKEA today to pick up the changing table. I got a foldable one made of polyester that can be washed, which I think is a great idea considering how messy babies can be in that regard. It's got pockets on the sides for easy to reach storage and a shelf underneath where I can put whatever box the cloth diapers come in. I also got something to put her clothing in so I can start taking it out of the storage container and put it out ready for use. Thank god I washed it all already.

  I had a chat with my step-mother-in-law on the phone yesterday. She said she and my father-in-law are coming over the day of. I thought it was a little presumptuous of her to say that like it's not even a question. Personally, I would have appreciated it if they had asked if that was even okay with me. Now I'm a little worried they're going to be all up in our face as soon as I'm out of surgery. I have to make it clear to everyone that I don't even want visitors on surgery day. That day is for me to recover and for Nate and I to spend some exclusive time with our baby. I don't want family getting all up close and personal so soon, let alone seeing her before I even do depending on where I spend my immediate recovery period. I'll be in the hospital all weekend, they'll have time to visit. She said my FIL had taken two weeks off of work for this. I have to clarify with them if they intend to stay here for the whole two weeks. I know I'll need lots of help during recovery, but Nate will also be home for the first two weeks and there is other family that can help such as Nate's mom and MY mom. I don't think my SMIL was trying to be pushy, but just letting me know they will be here, but I have a feeling I'll still have to put my foot down as to how I want this all to go so that I get as much private bonding time as I need. Don't get me wrong I am very grateful for having family around at such an important time, but a part of me is paranoid that they will steal the show, that it will be too much when all I want to do is bond with my little girl and establish breast feeding. I think my SMIL will be on my side when it comes to that. I can see her pushing my FIL out the door to get him to leave because she understands how much I want to be alone with my new baby.

  • 8:02 pm
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