Having moved out of the city, you'd think I'd be feeling more relaxed, but that's not the case. I like our cute little abode surrounded by forest, with the sweet deck and skylights. But I feel kind of isolated. In the city I could just walk to places and get out of the apartment and GO places. Here I can certainly go for walks, but I'm not used to going for walks for the sake of walking and go nowhere.

I dunno...I'm stressed out. I love my little girl so much, but I'm bothered by the fact that I don't always have down time. I rarely listen to music anymore because I'm not going out and I'm not making myself busy around the house. I'm constantly with the baby, holding her and feeding her and watching TV or playing on my phone while I do so. I get that this is what being a mom is all about at this stage and she'll grow out of it and become more independent, but right now I hate the feeling that I can't do anything because if I put her down she's going to fuss until she cries. At least she's sleeping well at night and I'm getting sleep.

It also doesn't help that our car is a standard and I've only driven it twice and learning to drive stick in the process. So I'm not confident driving at all yet so we'd may as well not have a car since I have to rely on Nate to get us places. Well, I know that's not true. Nothing is stopping me from getting in the car and practicing, but again with the baby thing.

I'm sure all of these are my own mental barriers getting in the way. I want to love living here and find ways to manage my time better and enjoy every minute of it. I love the time I spend with my baby, but sometimes I get to that point where I NEED my space.

Also, Nate is working from home so we're not getting that regular time away from each other like when he had to actually GO to work. I thought it would be nice, but hindsight is always 20/20. I liked it when he went to work because we both got some space from each other. I can tell we're driving each other a little crazy.

Hannah seems to have a routine. I feel ambivalent about it. It's great because I can get 4-5 hours of sleep in a row at night and only get up once to feed her. It sucks because she gets fussy between 9-12, right when I want to shower, eat, etc. She also gets fussy in the evening for a couple of hours. I'm talking full out inconsolable crying. Last night was the worst. Tonight she's much better, but I feel on edge like I'm expecting her to break out into a full on meltdown at any moment. It's so hard to see her little face turn beat red and her eyes get wet with tears as she's losing her shit. Nate picks her up and then puts her back down, back and forth, when she's like that and she just keeps crying and crying, but I think she just needs to be held regardless of how hard she's crying. Putting her down is helping nobody. I know the first months are precious and I need to enjoy every moment of them, but I have to admit I'm looking forward to when she turns 5 months old and the period of purple crying ends.

For the most part she's great. She sleeps a lot and when she's awake and looking around she's the cutest thing ever. As much as she fusses in the evening, that might contribute to her sleeping so well at night. Maybe it wears her out. Who knows. As hard as it is to deal with sometimes, there are worse things in life. I'm enjoying being a mom and I can't wait to watch her grow and develop. She's already smiling and my heart melts every time. She's cooing more too, which is equally as cute. I'm looking forward to that first giggle

Wow! My little girl is a month old already! She is doing great. She just had a checkup yesterday and she weighed in at 9 lbs 3 oz. She looks bigger in every way. We even had to go up a size in diapers She has an ultrasound scheduled for August 16th for her hip, which I'm really looking forward to because it means we get to say buh-bye to the harness, albeit slowly over three weeks. I really hate that thing and I think she does too. I can't wait to be able to put her in sleepers, onsies with snaps on the shoulders (which I have plenty of and are going to waste) and pants, and be able to rub her back with nothing in the way. I think the Baby Hawk will be more comfortable for her as well.

I'm also pleased to say that the baby blues have lifted and I am having fun Obviously she gets fussy and will have bouts of incurable crying, but I have more patience to deal with those moments and I just keep reminding myself that in a few months that will all pass. Nursing is going really well...unless she's fussy, lol. Then she's unlatching all the time and spilling milk all down her face.

...Ok, I walked away from this, which I had started yesterday so I have no idea where I was going with it, but I shall continue.

At the end of the month we're moving to Salt Spring Island. I'm pretty excited about it, although it does mean we have to give up our kitties. I'm sad about this...a lot. I'm really sad to see them go, but I think I would feel a little better about it if I knew where they were going and trusted the person who took them. I need to know that they will be loved and well taken care of. Hell, it would be awesome if they were even more well taken care of than me, i.e. regular vet visits and shots. I haven't taken them to the vet because I don't have a car to transport two cats, but they've been strictly indoor cats and haven't been exposed to anything other than what me and Nate could potentially bring home, but I don't think there's anything that we, as humans, can transmit to our cats. They're not eating strange things from outside to give them worms or anything, but I will admit that they need a regular visit just to check on their overall well being. But, I digress...I will miss them terribly. They are AWESOME cats. They're so affectionate and loving and pure entertainment. I had a really crappy cat in the past so I feel like I've hit the feline jackpot with these two and now I have to give them up. A friend of mine is also moving so I've told him that if he happens to move into place that accepts pets then he is more than welcome to take my cats because then at least they'll be going with someone I know AND I'll be able to see them again.

Anyway, we'll be moving into my father in law's house, which is on a mountain facing the ocean. There will be so many nice things about living there, like the free laundry, the quiet, the privacy. I have to admit it will be very nice to take a break from apartment living for a while. And it's not like living with my father in law and step-mother in law is anything new to me. Every time we go to Mexico we stay with them. My father in law drives me a little crazy sometimes (mostly when starts bitching at my step-mother in law), but with this living situation he'll be off working (he travels for a week or two at a time) and they will eventually go to Mexico for the winter and leave the place to us.

Now we have a shit ton to do. Nate is done work on Wednesday so at least he'll be home for most of the month so that I'm not stuck doing most of the packing. His mom is hooking us up with some boxes which is awesome I just really hate packing...but this does mean we can purge a little.

It's almost been three weeks since Hannah was born and it's getting better. I'm so grateful to have had Nate around for the first two weeks. I wasn't very good with the crying, but Nate had infinite patience. Not to mention he jumped right to it whenever she started fussing. He has been a fantastic dad. For me it's been a slower adjustment. I love Hannah to death, but I feel like I'm lagging in the bonding department. As horrible as this may sound a small part of me has been feeling... inconvenienced, for lack of a better word. In other words, this new life adjustment is proving more difficult that I thought. I think I seriously underestimated the weight of change that having a baby brings. There are a few things that getting in the way of my enjoying it the fullest as well.

The harness for one thing is a huge pain in the ass. Holding her just isn't the same as when she's not in it. It makes changing her diaper and giving her a bath this process that feels long and tedious. She's also a pukey baby and changing her onsie is HUGELY inconvenient with this damn harness. On a positive note she's had a couple of follow up appointments and at least the harness is working well. Just a few more weeks and she'll have an ultrasound done on her hip and then we'll talk about weaning her off of it, which will take another three weeks, but even her spending half the day out of it is better than just an hour which is all she gets right now.

Another thing is the fact that her breastfeeding relies on my using a nipple shield. My midwife has talked to me about weaning her off of it, but I'm lacking the patience to do it. She has no problems feeding with it and I'd much rather have happy feedings every time than having a long drawn out process of "fighting" with her to accept my natural nipple.

Nursing in public. I can't seem to get over viewing it as inconvenient as well. I think I just have this shyness about it that I have yet to overcome. So my outings kind of revolve around her nursing schedule. I would really like to just be able to go out and never worry about when and where I might have to nurse her because it's no big thing. I taking my nursing pillow with me in the stroller and that makes it a hell of a lot more comfortable. At first I felt like a total dork doing it, but other moms on Facebook have admitted to using a pillow in public as well. Honestly it's better for my back anyway. All in all the nursing is going really well and she's gaining weight like a pro. She's over 8.5 lbs now, I just get nervous about the idea of having to nurse her in public still. Before she came I was always a go go go person and now if I have to nurse her I have to stop somewhere and take my time with her. Again, something else I need to adjust to.

Oh! Getting around on transit with the stroller. I hate taking the bus with the stroller so I've been walking lots. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but since my first experience of taking her in the stroller on the bus was a bad one (the other passengers were idiots and didn't make room for us like they're supposed to so the bus driver started flipping out). Not to mention there are a lot of old people and other moms in New West so I'm competing for a stroller spot with walkers and other strollers. It's such a pain in the ass. The skytrain is much better, except that I can't use one side of the second closest train station because the elevator is out of service. In a nutshell, the stroller is a logistical nightmare, unless I'm walking, mostly because I don't trust people to give me the courtesy I require in the first place for having a stroller.

The summer heat...summer can go away. I'm miserable with this heat. It makes me feel groggy, gross, and sweaty. It doesn't help that my clothing options are seriously limited. I don't have any shorts that are cotton and comfortable for my incision, BUT I just checked out an Ardene today and they have just what I need in sizes large enough that I can buy them loose fitting.

I know I sound like I'm whining up a storm, but I'm in the process of getting used to so many things. But here, let me focus on some positives! I'm already starting to figure out how to manage my time better when I'm by myself (always when she's sleeping!!). My incision is healing REALLY well. I can flex my abs, get up without pain, sleep on my side, and laughing, coughing and sneezing are getting better. The incision itself looks great, in terms of healing anyway. It's a fugly purple line going across my belly, but I know it will fade over time. Hannah is doing awesome. She's gaining weight, has plenty of dirty diapers and cries less than she did when she was days old. I can get through the night with only one feeding, so I'm not as tired as I could be. I'm still tired, but the heat might have something to do with that as well. My stomach is almost back to a more normal state. I just look fat right now, but I know that with more exercise, some muscle toning and weight loss it'll look better. All in good time.

My baby girl Hannah Elizabeth was born via c-section on June 30th: one week before her scheduled arrival, two weeks before her due date. She was 7 lbs 15oz and 20.5 inches long.

She was originally scheduled to come July 6th via c-section due to a breech presentation. I was totally excited and really wanted to hold out until then because plans and arrangements were made and I was told that scheduled sections are easier to recover from than emergency ones. Well she had plans of her own.

I had no leading indications that labor was imminent. Not a single clue. So when I got up around 6:45 am on June 30th and felt a gush of fluid I had really hoped I had peed myself. I went to the bathroom and felt even more fluid come.  Then I peed. I looked in the toilet and it was so cloudy that there was only one possible explanation. My DH, Nate, could hear me freaking out and asked what the big deal was. I announced that my water had broken. He brought me my phone and I stayed on the toilet as the fluid just kept coming and coming. I phoned my midwife.

I knew it was baby time. My midwife told me straight up that since I absolutely needed a c-section due to breech position that if my water happened to break I would just go to the hospital and have her born that very day. I actually had the nerve to scoff at such an idea thinking I would surely make it to my scheduled day. So I talked to my midwife, Cora, and she said she would meet us at the hospital in 30 minutes. I was feeling a little panicky because I had not put my hospital bag together yet. I was so unprepared. And my hair was a mess!

I was a little surprised because I wasn't experiencing any contractions. I felt totally fine except for the discomfort of constantly leaking fluid. I threw my bag together (forgetting a lot of things) and we took a cab. I checked in at triage, getting bumped ahead of a lady because I was "in labor". After I got my bracelet and paperwork I headed up to L&D. They set me up in a delivery room, asked me questions, got me into a gown, and hooked me up to the fetal monitor. Hannah was happy as a clam.

Over the next couple of hours I was asked a ton of questions, hooked up to an IV, met with the on call OB and had a last minute ultrasound to make sure Hannah was still breech and that the c-section was a go. Meanwhile Cora was around for support and my dad and step mom showed up.

After waiting for an emergency c-section and a head trauma to clear through the OR I was wheeled in and prepped. I only waited 4 hours from the time my water broke to the time I was prepped for my surgery. I'm so glad I had Cora there to talk to me while the anesthesiologist did my spinal. It was uncomfortable, but not nearly as bad I thought it would be. After they had my lying down they put in the catheter and a surgical nurse checked me.

She said I was at 5 cm. Cora and I looked at each other thinking, "Say what, now?!" I was somehow already 5 cm dilated without having any pain or contractions. So...apparently I'm the silent laboring type. It blew my mind, just a little bit. I spent the rest of the day in disbelief.

So the team, as efficient as it was, finished prepping me when I suddenly felt a sharp pinch on my belly. I said "ow" and the anesthesiologist looked down at me. He was instantly concerned that I it not only hurt, but that I could feel it at all. He asked me to move my legs and I could a little. I could even wiggle my toes. Apparently the spinal wasn't taking. Crap. I had to be put under general anesthetic and after sighing in disappointment and saying okay I was out like a light.

I came to three hours later in recovery. It's like waking up but without the will power to do so. It took me a while to be able to open my eyes and the anesthesia kept making me stop breathing. That's when I'd hear a machine start to beep so I'd take a few deep breaths to try to get back on track. I had no voice when I spoke because I was intubated, but thankfully the tube was taken out before I woke up.

Nate came by with pictures. He showed me his skin to skin time with Hannah and told me she had to be sent to the NICU for low blood sugars, but I wasn't surprised to hear that. My dad tried to stop by but I was trying to get with it and was throwing up a bit so the nurse sent him away.

After I was lucid enough to leave recovery I was wheeled to the NICU to see my baby for the first time. Nate was by her side. Unfortunately, I didn't get a good look at her face and I was too groggy and in pain for the reality to sink in that, hey, this is MY baby.

After I was wheeled up to maternity where Nate joined me shortly. That's when all the grandparents showed up and it was visitor city. Apparently they all got to see Hannah and take pictures while I was still out. I was okay with that though. At least they weren't passing her around before I even so much as got to touch her. However, I did find out after the fact that nobody was allowed to hold her anyway because she either had an IV or was in the NICU. Apparently only mom and dad are allowed to hold the baby then.

As the day wore on it started bothering me more and more that I still had not held my little girl. I got ambitious and tried to get up, but the pain was too intense and I was about to throw up. It wasn't until closer to 8 pm that I made that first venture on my feet. The nurse said I could go down to the NICU IF I could walk to the bathroom.

That was hell unto itself. It was so painful. But I made it. I had so much motivation in me. I didn't care that I needed to for my own recovery. I just wanted to hold Hannah. So while in the bathroom the nurse helped me out with fresh mesh panties and the most ginormous pad I had ever seen. She gave me a squirt bottle and used that to rinse away all the lochia and clots. I was shivering and miserable, but suddenly the walk back to the bed wasn't as bad. I told the nurse that I wanted gravol so I could go down to the NICU. There is a strict no vomiting policy down there. Instead I threw up while the nurse fetched the gravol. I had a good chuck then had medication to keep me covered. I suddenly felt like a champ. And I finally got to go down to the NICU and hold my brand new baby girl.

The next day I was feeling infinitely better. My appetite returned, my pain management was under control and I could walk. I was in such a good mood too. My stay at the hospital was just Nate taking me down the NICU multiple times a day. Nate was absolutely wonderful. I didn't think I could love him any more, but my god. His support while I was in the hospital was phenomenal. We kept asking the nurses when Hannah would be taken off the IV and brought up to our room. It took a couple of days, most likely because it was a long weekend and the pediatrician wasn't around because her sugars were the stable the whole time. While she was there I started to breastfeed, but the IV made that a little challenging. She eventually figured it out though. The day before were discharged she was brought up to our room. The first night with her was challenging because she cried for about a good three hours. Nate held her and tried to comfort her so I could get some rest. I don't think that was the solution, though. She was likely cluster feeding and wanted some boob.

The day we were discharged an orthopedic pediatrician came to our room to assess Hannah's hips because she was frank breech. Sadly her left hip has a shallow socket and depending which way her leg moves the joint can pop out a little bit. It's not a full blown dislocation so we're lucky in that regard, BUT she has to wear this stupid harness that keeps her legs in a certain position all the time. Basically it's supposed to help the socket deepen so the joint doesn't pop out at all. It was really hard for me to take (and so was the $200 we had to pay up front for the harness ). An orthotist was there showing Nate how to put the harness on while I balled my eyes out in the bathroom and on my dad's shoulder. I was choked that I couldn't hold my baby just the way she was. Instead she had to be strapped up. I know it's for her own good and it was my first lesson as a mother to do something beneficial, albeit upsetting, for the sake of my child's health and future. Hannah wasn't bothered by it, but I was. She can have an hour out of the harness every day and I can already see a difference in the way her leg sits compared to her first days. We have a follow up appointment tomorrow and then at 6 weeks she'll have an ultrasound done on her hip to see how well the harness worked for her. If she checks out fine then we can wean her off of the harness. So she's not wearing it for a long time. Six weeks isn't that long, it just seems like it.

Otherwise she is healthy and that makes me happy. She is a little angel. And so freaking cute! Nate has been the best dad ever. I'm so happy we're now a family

Only one week left. I am FULL of pre-baby anxiety. I'm bored at home most of the time, can't be bothered to find anything worth entertaining myself with other than the TV (which has NOTHING on for the most part). All I can think about is next Friday. I know the week is going to fly by, but right here, right now it doesn't seem like it will. I find it a little strange that I'm suddenly so very excited about putting myself under the knife, but I don't care about that part anymore. I'm going to have my support people in place, which is only my midwife and Nate. They're all I need. And the end result is going to be amazing. I keep thinking about the moment when she's pulled out and shown to me...and then starts to cry. I hadn't even given the crying any though until my OB mentioned that it takes about 30-60 seconds for it to kick in after she has cleared her lungs of fluid. When she said that I mentally gasped and thought, That's going to be the most wonderful and life changing sound ever. Anyway I just want to see her sweet little face and hold her. I couldn't give two shits about my recovery or how sore I'm going to be. I'm just way too excited to meet my girl.

I'm a week away from her birth date, and I'm also a week away from no longer being diabetic. I could literally jump for joy. I'm excited about no longer being pregnant, about not having this solid heavy belly. I'll gladly take the bowl of jello that my belly will become after. I'm excited about seeing the change in Nate. Oh my, I CANNOT wait to see him take her for the first time. The look on his face is going to be so epic! AND I'm looking forward to that first attempt at breast feeding and skin to skin contact. I just pray that I can be sent to L&D recovery and not general recovery.

Anyway, today I'm receiving my first delivery of cloth diapers from the diaper service. I'd be more excited about that, but my baby anxiety is trumping everything these days. This weekend I hope to get out onto my dad's boat. I haven't been on it yet and I'd like to do that before baby comes. It's not a speed boat or anything. It's closer to a yacht so it won't be anything crazy. We probably wouldn't go very far, just picnic on it. On Monday my mother in law is taking us to get maternity pictures taken. We have a bit of a "couldn't care less" attitude toward it, but SHE really wants it done, we don't have to pay for it, and I think in the end I'll appreciate having the photos as well. I don't care right now because I'm so done being pregnant, but I can see myself looking at them a few months later and feeling glad I did it as I see just how big my belly got. Plus Nate and I have never had any professional photos taken together. Nate doesn't think he has to be there, but he really does because I want pictures of US. I told her that I wasn't super stoked about the mat pics and said that I'd prefer to have pictures of my daughter, but she said we're doing both. So if I'm getting free professional pictures of my baby I can indulge my mother in law and do a maternity shoot for her. Besides I haven't seen her since January and this brings us together.

As for the whole visitor issue I mentioned before. I'm over it. My father in law can show up, but that doesn't necessarily mean he'll be admitted to my room whenever. I'll have the nurses on my side and they will let him know when I'm ready for him. The last thing I need are visitors the day I deliver, but the last last thing I need is for him to barge in while in the middle of learning how to breast feed or something since I know my boobs are going to hanging out all over the place. Plus I don't want anyone disturbing the baby. I think as long as they're not hovering all weekend long and just there for a few hours in the afternoon/evening for ONE day then I can suck it up and let them see her.

Only 12 more days...and so will be my mantra with days decreasing until my delivery date on July 6th. I am uncomfortable. Actually, uncomfortable doesn't even describe it. Well, I suppose I could be in a lot of pain as well, and I count my lucky stars that all this discomfort isn't accompanied by pain. My baby's size is VERY apparent these days. I can feel pressure on my cervix from her little bum and I have a bowling ball of a head being shoved under my ribs. Quite often while walking her weight will shift forward and make everything very tight and heavy. Either that or I'm getting more Braxton Hick's contractions while walking. I think over the next 12 days I'll be taking it even more easy. Since I can feel pressure on my cervix now I'm a little worried that labor could indeed start before my scheduled date. Sure it would mean she would get here sooner, but I've been able to coordinate the family a little bit and an early delivery would throw a wrench in that. Oh, I'm taking all this planning way too seriously for something that goes by its own rules. Whatever happens, I won't be spending a lot of time out of the apartment except for short walks to get outside, tea dates with Anja, appointments, and small shopping trips simply because I'm just too damn uncomfortable. As it stands, I'm against an emergency cesarean because they will likely knock me out for it, which I'm really not comfortable with.

Anyway, the stroller is ready to go and we just went to IKEA today to pick up the changing table. I got a foldable one made of polyester that can be washed, which I think is a great idea considering how messy babies can be in that regard. It's got pockets on the sides for easy to reach storage and a shelf underneath where I can put whatever box the cloth diapers come in. I also got something to put her clothing in so I can start taking it out of the storage container and put it out ready for use. Thank god I washed it all already.

I had a chat with my step-mother-in-law on the phone yesterday. She said she and my father-in-law are coming over the day of. I thought it was a little presumptuous of her to say that like it's not even a question. Personally, I would have appreciated it if they had asked if that was even okay with me. Now I'm a little worried they're going to be all up in our face as soon as I'm out of surgery. I have to make it clear to everyone that I don't even want visitors on surgery day. That day is for me to recover and for Nate and I to spend some exclusive time with our baby. I don't want family getting all up close and personal so soon, let alone seeing her before I even do depending on where I spend my immediate recovery period. I'll be in the hospital all weekend, they'll have time to visit. She said my FIL had taken two weeks off of work for this. I have to clarify with them if they intend to stay here for the whole two weeks. I know I'll need lots of help during recovery, but Nate will also be home for the first two weeks and there is other family that can help such as Nate's mom and MY mom. I don't think my SMIL was trying to be pushy, but just letting me know they will be here, but I have a feeling I'll still have to put my foot down as to how I want this all to go so that I get as much private bonding time as I need. Don't get me wrong I am very grateful for having family around at such an important time, but a part of me is paranoid that they will steal the show, that it will be too much when all I want to do is bond with my little girl and establish breast feeding. I think my SMIL will be on my side when it comes to that. I can see her pushing my FIL out the door to get him to leave because she understands how much I want to be alone with my new baby.

Today was a pretty busy day. I met up with a friend for a coffee date this morning. With the exception of the past two weeks we've been hanging out once a week. It's been so great to have someone I can sit down and talk with about my pregnancy. She also has a 5 month old son of her own so it's been fun watching him just be a baby and remind myself that I'm about to have one of my own. She's been a wealth of advice for me having two kids of her own. I hope she can come visit me in the hospital if I'm going to be stuck there for a few days.

After we went our separate ways I went to LD and bought a couple of things with my hospital bag in mind. I need to start to putting that together so a few travel toiletries are necessary. By then it was lunch time and I decided to indulge a little with a single roll of sushi. I really miss eating sushi, but I just can't eat the rice. Its effect on my blood sugar is horrendous, but lunch is my best meal in terms of glucose numbers because I have insulin from the morning going through my system and I've been active all morning. I didn't check my sugars until three hours after I ate, but I'm pretty sure it still spiked. Whatever.

I worked it off by keeping busy this afternoon. I managed to get the laundry done, assemble the stroller, tidy up a few spots and do the dishes. My belly felt heavy and my back ached after, but it's nice looking at the clean spots. I can't stop staring at the stroller either. I can't wait to start using it! I still want to assemble the swing and put my hospital bag together, but I have two more weeks to kill before she arrives so I have to spread this stuff out so I don't run out of things to do. Of course, house work, grocery shopping and appointments will keep me busy as well.

Today I had my much anticipated chat with my midwife about the steps we were going to take regarding my delivery. She talked to the OB who received the report on my ultrasound. She doesn't think I'm a good candidate for the ECV. My amniotic fluid is a little on the low side and because of that, her size, and the fact that she's frank breech and not complete breech the OB doesn't think it would work. Fair enough. So I told her I will go for the only option I have left: a scheduled cesarean. My midwife suggested July 6th when I reach 39 weeks. I told her that was the day I preferred, not because I explicitly want my daughter's birthday to be the 6th but because it's a Friday and Nate will be able to support me and stay with me all weekend. I am beyond excited! My anticipation of meeting my baby totally trumps all the risks that are involved with having a cesarean. Plus having a specific date in mind is helping me plan my next two weeks. It's no longer a game of hurry up and wait. In fact, I'm now in a position where I hope to God I don't go into labor before then. I've now been told several times that scheduled cesareans are easier to recover from than emergency ones. So I am dead set on this being scheduled. At this point my worst case scenario has become needing an emergency cesarean because labor decided to come early.

So now I can do some more specific research, mainly on breast feeding after cesarean. I can also put together a birth plan specific to a cesarean birth. I am feeling so in control. It's great! I want to put my hospital bag together. I want to pull out the baby clothes I want to bring. I also want to assemble the stroller and pull out the car seat that comes with it and prep it for the big day. I need to pass the base off to my dad so he or my step mom can set it up in the car for when they drive us home. So much planning to do now, I love it!

I just can't wait to actually finalize the scheduled date so I can share it with family and make plans for additional help after she's here since I probably won't be very functional for the first couple of weeks.

Today I had an appointment at the diabetes clinic. It was pretty straightforward. My insulin has been increased again and I was given instructional sheets regarding how I should eat when I go into labor or to prepare for a c-section, when I should stop taking my insulin and how I should check my sugars AFTER delivery. That alone has me excited: I can immediately stop insulin and go back to normal right after delivery. One sheet says that I should check my post breakfast and post dinner numbers just to make sure they're under 6.1. If they are I can stop testing altogether. Then two months post delivery I'll go to the lab for another 2 hour tolerance test, just like the one I took that diagnosed me at 24 weeks.

After my appointment I headed to the pool. It felt great. Getting out of the pool was unreal; my belly had never felt so heavy. I did some handstands and laps and took it easy. It's nice just STANDING in the pool so my belly feels lighter I did occupy a lane for laps, which was fine because all the swimming I wanted to do was just easy swimming back and forth. The only downside to using a public swimming pool is you can run into some bitchy people. I had this one woman come into my lane with a snorkel and mask, do a lap back and forth of fast pace swimming and then tell me that she was going to keep do that and that there was etiquette to follow. She was basically implying that I was in her way by just "hanging out" in the lane and that she wanted me to leave. She kind of pissed me off. I just stood there and looked at her and only said, "Ok." I did a lap or two and then thought, Fuck this bitch, and got out. The hormones in me make me wish I had said something snarky, something along the lines of "I was here first and if you don't want me in your way the choose another lane." I have every right to use it as much as she does and it's not like I was being inconsiderate of her space. Besides I was in a moderate paced lane when she should have been using a fast pace lane. She pissed me off enough that I kept calling her nasty names under my breath and I glared at her a couple of times when I saw her walking on the deck. Passive aggressive, I know, but it's better than me calling her a cunt to her face and starting unnecessary drama. I mean, I'm fucking pregnant and I'm at the pool for a reason. I'm not just fucking around like a teenager. Meanwhile she's just there to get in a quick workout. Whatever.

As I was leaving the pool I noticed my midwifery had called and asked me to call them back. I did and my midwife wanted to discuss the fact that baby girl is breech before I had my appointment on Friday. The reason for that is because she offered an External Cephalic Version as an option for me and she wants me to get it done ASAP. She wanted me to mull it over tonight and call her tomorrow morning, but I already knew I wanted to try it. She also said that because of this situation I'm in I can choose to have a scheduled c-section. I didn't know this. I was told that in my province elective c-sections were not allowed, but apparently they can be if the situation indicates it. I wonder if I could request one just for my GD alone. The fact that she's breech is a much better reason to have a c-section, and frankly, if this ECV doesn't work I'm scheduling one. I was so against it and I KNOW there are risks involved, but I've been told several times now that a scheduled c-section is much less traumatic than an emergency one so if I have to take the c-section route I'd rather it be scheduled. As it stands my whole birth plan has gone completely out the window and I've come to terms with the idea (and potential decision) of having a c-section. Apparently a couple of ladies in my DDC have had to experience both and say that the scheduled c-section was MUCH easier to recover from by comparison. In short, if this ECV doesn't work, I am scheduling a Cesarian and hoping like hell that I don't go into spontaneous labor. Frankly, I like the idea of knowing when my baby is going to arrive. It will make making plans with the family a lot easier since my dad or stepmom will be driving us home after delivery. I wouldn't be stoked about having an incision to deal with after the fact and that I wouldn't be as mobile as I would like once I get home,  but what else can I do? If she can't turn, she can't turn.